


my past, my present, my future

by yikelliot



Series: eyewitness week october 2017 [4]
Category: Eyewitness (US TV)
Genre: Eyewitness Week, Fluff, Future, M/M, Philkas Week, That Good Gay, briefly mentioned violence, established relationships - Freeform, marriage proposals, slight angst
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2017-10-19
Updated: 2017-10-19
Packaged: 2019-01-20 00:51:17
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 729
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/12421617
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/yikelliot/pseuds/yikelliot
Summary: lukas needs philip to be his foreverphilip is only happy to oblige(or the "future" prompt marriage proposal)





	my past, my present, my future

If you had told me 5 years ago that I would be proposing to my boyfriend of 3 years, I would have punched you.

I never thought about my sexuality. Not because I didn’t know, but because I was terrified. I knew what my dad said about ‘the gays’. Unsurprisingly, it wasn’t all sunshine and rainbows. 

It was safe to say I wasn’t safe. I never truly felt safe until I met Philip.

Meeting him for the first time terrified me. But it made me feel alive for the first time since my mom died. Everything fell into place.

Until the murders happened.

I felt trapped once again. I couldn’t tell anyone, I couldn’t look Philip in the eye. I was ashamed and scared out of my mind, and those two things together are not ideal at all. I said things and did things that I will most likely regret for the rest of my days on this earth. But from the day I woke up in hospital, I vowed to protect Philip with everything I had.

If you told me on that day that I would be proposing to Philip 3 years later, I would have smiled. I might have cried. Knowing at that moment that everything would be okay was all I wanted. I wanted to know that Philip would be safe.

When his mom died, I felt completely helpless. Almost as lost as he was. I didn’t know how to help him even after going through the same thing myself. I felt so useless.

But now we’re here. I’m here, with Philip. He loves me and I love him back with every fibre of my being. I adore this man more than anyone else on the planet.

I cannot wait to spend the rest of forever with him.

— —  
We’re up by the cabin where everything really started. I point something out to him and he turns around. I get out the ring and drop to my knee.

He turns back and I gaze at his beautiful face. He’s completely shocked.

“Philip, when I first met you, I was terrified. I couldn’t sleep for days, lying awake and thinking about the boy in my math class that would film my motocross videos. I wanted you so bad but I couldn’t have you. I didn’t allow myself to have you. But that night in the cabin, you showed me that you didn’t care about what I thought was wrong. You kissed me and everything made sense. When we came out on the other side of the case, I couldn’t believe our luck. You had stayed in Tivoli, for me. You were hurt and angry and abused but you still chose me. I still have no clue in my mind why you did but I thank every God under the sun each day for it. You complete me in ways that no one else can. We have such an incredible connection and I admire you more than you could ever know. I am utterly, unapologetically in love with you, Philip Shea. Don’t you ever forget that. And so I kneel before you, asking, begging you to be my forever. My stomach always hurts when you’re around, but I don’t know how I’d survive without that pain. You are the best thing that ever happened to me. I want to start a family with you and grow old with you. I want to know everything there is to know about you, like how your hair looks at 6 o’clock in the morning in our shared bed. Or how you smile when you watch our kids play. I will love you till time runs out, baby. I swear it.

You are my past, my present, and my future.”

I look at him for a sign. Any kind of sign that he may not want this, that he may not want me. But I can’t find anything except love and tears in his eyes.

“Yes. Yes, fucking yes Lukas. Always.” He’s sobbing by now and I tear up along with him as I place the ring onto his finger.

I kiss him and feel home. It’s salty and messy and our teeth keep getting in the way but it’s us. It’s him and I and I would never want it any other way.

He is my everything.

My first and last love.

**Author's Note:**

> i almost cried writing this because i wish we could have had more philkas. i wish we could have seen their relationship become healthy and good for both of them. it still makes me so sad that we won't get that.
> 
> anyway, thank you so much for reading.
> 
> this is also on my tumblr: http://leeisdark.tumblr.com/post/166583394589/my-past-my-present-my-future
> 
> ~Lee


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